It’s official the house is getting listed effective today going on the open market.  It is of course bittersweet as I anticipate a lightening of the load as a homeowner and husband reverting to being a tenant and bachelor once again.  If and when I ever buy a piece of property again it will be either with cash or as a multiple unit with tenants paying the mortgage.  That is what I wanted to do in the first place, although that’s not the way it went down.  I settled for the “easy” route buying the house from my in-laws where my wife had already been occupying when we met.

There is some sorrow as the reality of a split is now imminent.  Just yesterday I was called out by a good friend for the discrepancy from my words and actions, now it is becoming cogent.  There were just so many warning signs early on in the relationship and we both agreed to sweep it under the rug with the focus on sealing the deal as the betrothed.  I consider how much I was motivated by “looking good” and wanting to please my parents and extended family by following through.  I allowed myself to be hurried and pressured into purchasing a diamond ring I really couldn’t afford.  I’ve continued to suffer financially throughout the marriage never able to earn enough to keep up with my wife’s spending habits.  It became an ordeal in pursuing what I thought everyone else wanted without really checking in with myself to see if it was really what I wanted.  I created this mess and now what I’d been denying for quite some time is finally coming undone.

After a shower and some laundry I’m heading down to Niagara Square to attend a teach-in on the topic “Self Responsibility for Collective Responsibility.”  It is the first and only message I’ve seen in the Occupy Movement, locally and nationally, stressing the importance of beginning the process for anything new to emerge within the individual before a new model can be established collectively.  I’m intrigued to see who shows up on a wintry afternoon to explore this vital subject.  Following that I’ll be migrating to my brother’s pad for dinner and some playoff football.  I am not sure if I will return home to sleep tonight or stay at my brother’s.  I’m inclined to pay a visit to the beach again tomorrow.  Life is good.

In common wealth,

SjK

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