Sitting in the spare bedroom that doubles as a home office of sorts sipping on a glass of cheap red wine as the snow finally relents following a blustery appearance of winter arriving in the pre-dawn hours.  My wife is watching an old movie on DVR, a 60s horror film about “dark magic” and Satanic ritual.  It is a creature comfort we will soon relinquish, the DVR and digital cable that is, as the downsizing ensues in the wake of a major transition.  Before I continue with today’s entry I’d like to wrap up the final thought put forth in the previous post two days hence.  It is absurd to consider any relief of tension as a “failure” just as achieving a goal is invariably a “win.”  Are you telling me that every sneeze, bowel movement and orgasm is a “failure”?  Poppycock!  Likewise, in achieving a goal there is certainly a relief of tension from its pursuit, and in achieving one goal we’ve inevitably failed at achieving another, the erstwhile cost of an opportunity foregone.

I failed to make an entry yesterday putting in a long day of training with Steve Miller, Director of EMS-New York Office, in my newest gig with merchant payment processing.  I left the house shortly after 9 am and did not return home until after 10 pm.  It was an informative, adventurous day including a stop at a fine Irish watering hole, O’Callaghan’s Pub, located in the heart of Rochester where I indulged in Cuervo and 7UP, along with several rounds of delicious finger foods.  It was a fast and furious outing including several visits with prospective clients while the IT/ phone solicitor guy, Ryder- God bless his soul, configured my laptop funneling multiple email accounts into Outlook.  I remain very much on the steep end of the learning curve as I incorporate this venture into my repertoire.

This morning began with snow shoveling at a couple of snowplow contracts I secured for another of my ventures, Landscape-Tec.  The wind-whipped snow will require a follow-up visit to clear drifts and plow wakes, which will be handled by my partner Nick at some point tonight.  If you need snowplowing, landscaping, discounted utility service or credit-card processing solutions I’m your guy.  My work schedule has no set hours and I’m essentially a 24/7 freelance opportunist now.  I’ve seen how Steve rolls and he swears work is really play and he doesn’t believe in stress.  I’ve much to learn from this go-getter, and I suspect so does he in reciprocal fashion in this latest collaboration.

I may generate more income than I ever have hitherto, or I could flounder financially and face bankruptcy.  The unknown can be terrifying, yet it is in the mystery that life becomes worth living.  I am in unchartered territory yet again in my life and yes that does sound like an oxymoron.  I’ve had episodes such as I’m encountering now before, although it is unchartered territory in that I’ve yet to explore in this current version of me.  We cannot create anything greater or lesser than ourselves and I’m undeniably greater now than I was before.  Please do not misconstrue this statement as arrogance for at the same moment I confess my utter insignificance within the inexorably incomprehensible Universe.  I, the soul that is, continues in its quest to awaken and as I learn to get out of my own way tapping into the infinite unlimited becomes for real.

Following the snow shoveling I migrated downtown to meet up with my good friend Dave for a chat over a house cup of Joe at Spot Coffee.  We survived the bitter winds and kept a close eye on the clock for our 1 hour parking pass allotment.  It had been well over a year since we sat down to exchange our truth quid pro quo.  Dave is someone I really emulate having gone through adversity in his life including prison time and the collapse of a multi-million dollar contracting business coming out on the other side as a powerful example of growth through self-love.  He always has words of wisdom to share and as we bid one another adieu while 40 mph gusts slapped our faces on the sidewalk he pointed out that when we say we “don’t know” it is best to remain in the unknown rather than speculate.  I had been referring to my marriage hanging in the balance and how I don’t know what the outcome will be, yet my words and actions indicate that I’ve made up my mind.  In short, my walk and my talk don’t match up and he called me out on it.  He left me with something to ponder and I’m grateful I picked up the tab for coffee as the least I could do for his time.

I am truly blessed with a loving supportive family that extends well beyond parents, siblings, cousins and other blood relatives.  Truly I do get by with a little help from my friends.  Say what you will about social media but for me it’s afforded connections with even more beautiful souls that I’d otherwise not have such an opportunity.  I can feel it gaining momentum within me and in the reflections of those with whom I’m connecting off and online.  As I heal the separation and duality within I see an increasing harmony in my interactions with others.  I feel the love.

There is no try, only do. – Yoda

In common wealth,

SjK

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