It’s time to take some responsibility for feelings projected toward my wife as we move through the dissolution of our marriage.  I realize that my anger and frustration is really the result of my inability to lovingly accept myself amid the turbulence I’ve created, which of course perpetuates the drama.  What we resist persists.  It goes against the grain of everything we were taught and inherited in our memory to take ownership for all of the circumstances of our lives.  Mother Culture reinforces the blaming, complaining, criticizing and excuses through our daily interactions compounded by mass media programming on our laptops, tablets, smartphones and televisions.  Adopting a practice of responsibility requires immense dedication to growth in solitude and in solidarity with others.

I managed to hock the electronic keyboard this morning generating much-needed cash.  It will be going to a young girl who just started taking lessons and a mother supporting daughter’s new hobby.  I also confirmed that my unemployment claim has processed as my employer failed to respond to NYS DOL and the funds will post to my account within 3 business days.  I was expecting it much sooner and fortunately my buddy Mark, who is on my friends and family wireless plan, pre-paid for his phone several months in advance.  He dropped by yesterday as he happened to be in the neighborhood on duty as a furniture repairman.  I’m also reminding myself that my upset is not about the financial predicament I’m in, rather it is my resistance to it.

Yesterday was by all accounts solemn and it wasn’t until mid-afternoon that I managed to pull myself together and be remotely “productive.”  I logged into a webinar on the subject of creating a successful blog, in terms of generating an income.  It was hosted by Ann Sieg, Renegade Network Marketer.  I love her approach to the much maligned network marketing and Internet marketing industries.  I especially like the notion of never having to harass another friend or family member to support and/or join my business.  I’d been exploring the vicissitudes of a home-based business in earnest prior to my marriage to no avail.  In hindsight it was my resistance to generating a residual income that would free me up to pursue my highest values.  Living for our dreams requires a great deal of self-love, certainly more than I had at that time.  As I move through this current episode I can feel the love growing.

Steve is coming into town later this afternoon and we have plans on tap to prospect a winery along the Niagara Wine Trail.  Our guide will be Katie from Affinity Salon & Spa, whose uncle owns and operates the facility.  In in the interim, we’re looking to hook up with the local Red Bull rep, Sean, and see if we can visit some accounts with him as we continue “low and slow” helping local businesses save money and grow.  I anticipate a healthy mix of work and play as usual when it involves my dear brother Steve.  As he emphasizes, we’re in the service business and in serving we fulfill a purpose in this life.  I still have students whom I enrolled at the college contacting me with questions/ concerns and I continue to serve them as best I can from the outside looking in.

In common wealth,

SjK

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