Getting woke up at 4 am by a whining pooch and then stepping in a puddle of urine is not exactly a bright start to my day, although it did lead to an early rise allowing me to get somewhat caught up on things before the light of day has even arrived.  After cleaning up the mess I returned to bed aggravated that my wife hadn’t let the dog out before bed to which she responded with an escalating exchange resulting in name-calling and insidious threats toward me.  I was reminded once again of her childish demanor and took to the sofa for a few minutes before giving up on the notion of any further slumber, instead heading out to the gas station to fuel up and grab a mocha java.  I’m still irritated with myself for having created this messy set of circumstances and I’m eager to dissolve it as I move forward in the next leg of the journey.

Yesterday was a pleasant reprieve from work.  After setting up for a smaller scale landscape show scheduled for the weekend and doing a couple estimates for prospective customers I made my way to visit a dear friend at her lovely, cozy apartment in Kenmore.  The wine was flowing and by the end of the evening I’d consumed about a bottle and a half as we listened to classic rock on Pandora- Lynyrd Skynyrd, Grateful Dead, Led Zeppelin and Leonard Cohen to name just a few.  We actually had to walk a couple blocks to the liquor store to re-stock her supply before ordering out for pizza.  Gail is going back in for chemo today as she continues to battle Stage IV cancer and I believe my company elevated her spirits notably.  We laughed and talked about serious stuff and reflected back to over a decade ago when we had worked together at the same college.  By the time I left to go home I was rubbing my eyes and grateful to know such an amazing, courageous and talented soul.

The day before last was a flurry of physical activity that left me with bloodied hands and aching muscles.  In the morning I knocked out a small gardening job for a customer in South Buffalo, who insisted on having me back for her spring clean-up after doing some work late last season.  She loves her rose bushes and weeding around them is mildly treacherous.  I transplanted three of her prized beauties into a new bed before laying down landscape fabric and decorative stone.   She was thrilled with the results and I was paid fairly for my labor.  In the afternoon I took down my parents’ dilapidated fence with several mighty swings of the “persuader” and battled a few posts that remained well anchored in concrete.  They were amazed that I had banged out the entire perimeter in 2 hours as I hustled to complete the job before the Sabres faced off versus the Capitals.  At one point in my haste I had snapped off a 4×4 post and thumped myself squarely on top of the noggin.  I staggered away in pain and felt a rage come up before tears welled up followed by calm all within about a 30 second time frame.  It was some sort of catharsis.  Fortunately, I didn’t lose any fingers using the circular saw to chop up sections of fencing before calling it a day.

And so here I am in this great mystery unfurling.  My investment of time and energy into the landscape business has left me with nothing for the credit card or energy deregulation gigs.  In speaking with my business partner, Nick, the other day I was a bit dismayed as he shared his vision for our fledgling company.  He would like to grow the company to a multi-million dollar enterprise and then sell it off to his current employer, Davey Tree, and remain employed by them due to the great benefits package they offer.  It is important to have an exit strategy in any business endeavor.  I conceded that it would be a good place to be if we are able to grow the company to that level of revenue, yet I also told him it is my intention to never return to work as an employee.  Rather, I’d like to build something that results in a legacy and can be passed on to others of like-mind.  We left it as something to discuss down the road should we be in such a position.  However, it did take some wind out my sails knowing that we do not share a mutual vision going forward.  While it’s not quite back to the drawing board it leaves me feeling more in limbo about my future.  I surrender in faith and continue in my mission.

In common wealth,

SjK

 

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