They say nothing runs like a Deere and I got to hand it to them an old riding mower my folks picked up for $100.00 last year did the trick as I just finished up the first mow of the season out here at the lake house.  Sunshine and blustery winds pervade on a seasonable spring afternoon.  I’m still recovering from a hangover two nights hence having consumed enough alcohol for 2, if not 3 men.  We began the evening celebrating my brother’s birthday where I polished off a 1.5 liter bottle of Pinot noir followed by splitting a 12 pack of PBR later at a house party where some friends were celebrating another birthday coupled with a housewarming.  A couple of shots were raised as well and I reckon that put me over the edge.  I wound up crashing on a spare sofa at my sister’s place, but not before hurling until my stomach had emptied its contents.

Easter Sunday was a malaise zonking out on an armchair after dinner at my aunt and uncle’s whilst others gathered around the 55” screen to take in the final round of the Master’s tournament as Bubba Watson took home the fabled green jacket in sudden death OT.  The sliver beneath my fingernail lingers since last week unable to extract the stubborn piece of wood despite several attempts with a tweezers and Epsom salt soaks.  It’s much like the divorce proceeding as I await paperwork from my ex-wife’s attorney.  The waiting game is never a pleasant one and while the finality invariably stings, there is always relief once the matter has come to conclusion.  The healing of the wound quickens.

In other news, the landscape venture has officially dissolved.  I received that news over the weekend before the ensuing night of debauchery resulting in my present state of morose fatigue.  I met up with Nick who decided to pull back the reigns after getting word that our financial backer was pulling out.  I suppose it’s something like the reality TV show “Shark Tank” where would-be entrepreneurs pitch their product and company to prospective venture capitalists.  Jesse is out and without him we have no resources to secure equipment and hire a team.  There is also a time restriction on Nick’s part with his new sales position at Davey balancing the needs of his family.  He is stretched too thin and so what had been a promising endeavor has fizzled.  I did email him earlier today offering my services at an hourly rate should he deem it favorable to his goals.

It’s back to the drawing board as I now have ample time for reflection to consider the array of directions before me.  I was offered a potential business opportunity with a mentor of mine who is an uber-successful entrepreneur in the clothing industry and is now venturing into the booming wellness sector.  I’ve also considered contacting a former employer to see if he has any need for an experienced veteran on the landscape crew.  Another friend has mentioned a potential rehab property on the west side as an investment vehicle.  There are various complimentary workshops available to me as well through the NYS Dept. of Labor and it couldn’t hurt to take advantage of these resources.  And yet there’s part of me that wants to sit tight and let the dust settle from all that’s crumbled around me in recent months.  An idle mind is the devil’s playground and a rolling stone gathers no moss.  Patience is a virtue.

Energy cannot be created nor destroyed it can only undergo a change of state, or form.  Quantum physics demonstrates that matter is not really anything at all.  Rather, forms are merely amalgams of rapidly oscillating particles, or energy, and reduced to the most discernible particle these vanish into the field of infinite potentialities.  It requires immense heat and pressure as catalysts to transform a mineral into a precious gem.  If not for the hardships and obstacles in life our comfort zone becomes a prison where we stagnate and ultimately decay.  Our destiny is most profoundly determined by responsibility, or our ability to respond.  Too often we are just one failure shy of immense success, if only we’d persevered.  The key is to tap into inspiration and suddenly circumstance is a medium for growth, not unlike a mushroom poking up out of shit.

I would be well-advised to take better care of myself rather than allow for deviance into self-destructive behaviors, such as I’d engaged in the night before last.  Just over a decade ago I was introduced to an ultra-healthy lifestyle that I’d practiced for a number of years, only to abandon in favor of social bonds.  I’d swung the pendulum to an extreme in one direction and hung on for the counter-swing.  My diet had devolved to the point of even visiting places I’d stopped eating at before I graduated high school. The notorious fast food chains with hyper-low quality ingredients making for cheap “food” engineered to appease the taste buds.  My consumption of alcohol became a daily pleasure where it had erstwhile been forfeited.  I suppose these were responses, or reactions, to a life that didn’t represent my highest values.  And that life has folded like a house of cards.

In one respect you might say I’d given the conventional American Dream a shot.  I got married, secured the corporate gig, bought a house and had intentions of raising children.  I was miserable for most of that 4 year period and feel a great sense of relief despite the present period of upheaval and transition.  It’s not like I’m swearing off marriage or children or owning a home, although it no longer has the appeal it had prior to my investigation.  If I ever do own a home again it will begin as an asset bringing in positive cashflow, not a liability with a mortgage and taxes and repairs sucking me dry.  If I ever do get married again it will be with someone I know, love and trust in friendship before advancing to such a profound exchange of vows.  And if I ever have children it will be imperative that I have sufficient time to be part of their lives guiding them in the wisdom I’ve earned in this lifetime.

For the remainder of this Dyngus Day there isn’t much on the schedule.  I may get on a conference call later this evening hosted by a friend from years ago when I was exploring that healthy lifestyle.  She called over the weekend to personally invite me to participate on the topic of “Winning with the Women.”  I also need to contact my tech buddy, Al, with whom I could be working on a project in NYC right now had I accepted his offer several weeks ago.  I opted out to honor my commitment to the landscape gig, even though intuition flagged it as a sinking ship.  I’m hoping he can walk me through how to use my Android as a wi-fi connection for the laptop allowing me to work remotely here at the beach.  This blog post, like many others composed here lakeside, have been copied from MS Word and later pasted into WordPress to be published on the World Wide Web.  If I’m able to get online I can spend longer chunks of time out there while the final stages of the divorce unfold.  By this time next month I will have removed myself from any financial ties with my ex-wife.  The end is near, and so is the beginning.

In common wealth,

SjK

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