The sun is shining as blue skies return following several days of damp cloudiness, quite symbolic of how I’ve felt in recent days.  I spent the night here at the house for the first time in nearly a week and definitely note that I am sleeping more deeply at the beach in solitary refinement.  It is odd that I would still sleep in the same bed with someone for whom there is no longer any intimate relations, although a connection is never fully severed spiritually no matter the circumstances.  We had a good chat over a slice of cheese and mushroom pizza last night, well it was more me sharing some of what’s gone on for me in terms of my thoughts and feelings.  She just listened and did not provide much feedback or offer to share her perspective, which is ok.  It was cathartic just to put it out there.

After my visit to the esthetician to make smooth my nether regions with an application of viscous sugar and ripping strips of cloth I visited my folks to retrieve the Armoire.  The bulky wooden antique was taking up too much space in our tiny living quarters and they graciously offered to store it in their spacious basement.  My father informed me that he had contacted her attorney’s office and they refused to speak to him pointing to a “conflict of interest” given the nature of the relationship to the plaintiff.  I suppose that was just a simple way to brush off any urgings to move the process forward.  I contacted GEICO this morning to separate our auto policies and next on the list is Verizon for the cell phones once my ex-wife finishes up a run on the treadmill.

I made it to the gym yesterday afternoon and that served to lift my spirits, although it was a bit of a struggle on the elliptical as my heart rate soared to 170 and I felt an ache in the vicinity of my liver.  I think I’ll be taking a sabbatical from any spirits, at least nothing more than a glass of wine or beer with a meal.  When I got on the incline bench press I felt some pain in the shoulder that persists despite dramatic improvement after a winter of intense difficulty with the injured area.  Nonetheless, to get my body moving and sweating brought my energy up as I move through a down cycle physically and emotionally.  I’m reminded to treat the body as a temple of worship and recall from Joel Anastasi’s book that the way to achieve a stronger connection to the divine is through the body vehicle.

Prior to departing for the gym I enjoyed an engaging online chat with a friend whose daughter had painted the rain barrel for Plantasia.  Dana reminded me when we had first crossed paths at a sweat lodge 5 or 6 years ago and I could not recall the moment.  In any event, she’s shared some poignant words of wisdom with me of late in recollecting the time prior to my marriage when we’d correspond, much like pen pals, and her suggestions that I seek stability in partnership.  Shortly thereafter I was engaged and had indeed “settled down” only to endure a most difficult period of trial and tribulation.  I mentioned how it is challenging for me in a monogamous relationship due to the variety of connections I maintain with females.  And even when platonic these can be perceived as threatening to a partner, if not for a solid foundation of trust.  Dana also pointed out that my “light burns brightly” and this can make others uncomfortable, a dynamic that I’ve experienced often throughout this life.  She encouraged me to pursue a “calling” rather than just a business or career track and emphasized the importance of assuming a leadership role, rather than answering to someone else.  In so doing I am prone to burning myself from the inside out.

We have a couple more landscape gigs in the works despite the scaling back and the cashflow will be a welcome influx.  I also have a job lined up with a friend whose elderly mother needs some lawn and garden work giving him a discount on my labor while coordinating materials and design; investing in karma, ie give support <=> get support.  I was also asked to work a health expo with my friend with whom I’m working on the fundraiser benefit for City Kids Summer Camp coming up May 23rd.  So there is much unfolding in a quilted sort of way if only I am able to remain present without the tendency to fret over what could or might be.  These uncertain times test one’s faith and fear is always knocking on the door.  We are peaceful warriors when we just keep moving forward through it and give thanks.

In common wealth,

SjK

 

 

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