By all accounts I would be well-advised to be bedding down for the evening after a solid day of planting, grading and hauling soil, mulch and sod in the warm spring sun.  And yet here I am listening to the Beatles feeling inspired to compose in this most peculiar Daily Log 2012.  I’m not sure if it is my feet or another area of my body emitting a funky odor like blue cheese, funkadelic blue or brie perhaps, fromunda anyone?  Ok I am feeling silly if not goofy and that is a pleasant change of pace in light of recent moments where cycles of deflation and tension have been salient.  On the drive home The Beatles suddenly came to mind and I burst out singing “Let it be…” as a surge of energy overcame me in what I might call a wave of inspiration like I have not felt oft of late.  I am very grateful for the Fab 4 and recall the indelible impression they’ve left upon me growing up in a family that has sung their tunes late into the night around campfires and in one another’s homes.

We completed the landscape installation in Kenmore today, including laying sod for the neighbor making it an even more lucrative outing.  Things were going smoothly until Nick’s father Nol showed up on the job barking commands about the depth of the grade to prepare for laying the sod.  I reminded him that I’ve got 20 years of experience in landscaping and do not require any instruction.  He proceed to step toward me and eye to eye like a ballplayer disputing a call with the ump stating, “You work for us!” to which i replied “I work with you…” and handed him the grading rake.  I sorted it out with Nick on the phone and opted to stay on site to complete the job, without so much as a whisper between his old man and I for the remainder of the day.  I wasn’t going to leave the customer hanging who has been so appreciative and accommodating over the last several days.  It just provided more clear confirmation that this gig is another very temporary frame in the timeline.

Following a good thorough watering of the sod and plants I left the site as the other guys finished cleaning up.  I paid a visit to my friend Gail who resides just a few blocks away and we chatted about things.  I confided in her that I’d forgotten my address when asked by someone earlier in the day.  I told her it’s been that chaotic for me of late that even simple things elude me at times.  She offered support saying that she’s always available to talk, and I told her I share the sentiment, quid pro quo.  She had another round of chemo today and pre-emptively shaved her head.  The auburn wig she was wearing suited her well and I provided a compliment on her new look.  My stay was brief chugging down a cool glass of aqua before making plans to get together for dinner next week.

Earlier in the day my mother had invited me over for spaghetti and meatballs, the homemade sauce being the differentiating factor mind you.  I told her it would depend on how the day goes and when we wrap up the job.  I sent her a text later in the afternoon to expect me and she was delighted to see me.  I had a couple of cold brewskis on the porch with my father discussing business and law before I remanded myself to the dinner table where my mother and I had a heart to heart.  She thanked me for posting a status update with a quote by Wayne Dyer about sadness in the past, anxiety about the future and peace in the present moment.  She said that Dad often reminds her to look at the bottom of the mountain, not the top, where the climb appears daunting, if not impossible.  I know that my present ordeal is cause for some of her anxiety.  Moms will always worry about their children, it is a way that they understand how to express their love.

And so now here I am after 10 PM with heavy eyelids having forgone the beach to remain here at what no longer feels like home.  I spent the night here yesterday and did not sleep nearly as well laying beside the woman with whom I am divorcing.  I suppose it is odd that we would even sleep in the same bed, though it is uncomfortable when any part of her makes contact with me.  I may go for the sofa as I really do need a good night’s rest before getting up to help a friend landscape his mother’s home in Orchard Park.  We rented a skid steer to move the boulders and topsoil, which will mean a bit less wear and tear on the body.  I really do enjoy the physical labor and find it to be especially a blessing right now.  I’m too exhausted to be anxious about much.  I feel a shift taking place and embracing what is, just being me and letting the chips fall where they may.

In common wealth,

SjK

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