Today started out quite relaxed and smooth, gaining intensity as the hours passed and now culminating in this late evening entry.  The closing has been pushed back another day and so that has a domino effect on my schedule.  I followed through with shutting off the utilities stopping at the house to call in a meter reading and grab a couple lingering items- bed sheets and towels.  Before leaving I walked through the house, the basement and upstairs bedroom, then walking the perimeter of the 70; x 185′ parcel saying goodbye to the plants, some of which I added to the property.  I snagged a few remaining raspberries from the row I’d planted in seasons passed and took a leak behind the garage as I’d done many a day whilst working around the yard.  My bowel stirred and I left one final deposit in the toilet before locking the door for the last time and departing.  It was a bittersweet moment, relief and sadness, truly parting is such sweet sorrow.

From there I migrated downtown to meet a friend and prospective business partner to discuss personal and professional matters.  The business side flowed with the focus of the conversation on waste receptacle systems, exit strategy and negotiating the structure of the would-be company to offer profit-sharing for all of its employees.   I explained that equity in a company is much more lucrative than a 401k, especially in a recession, while giving the individual a sense of identity that is simply unavailable in more hierarchically designed organizations.  While of course the CEO would be allotted a greater percentage of profit commensurate with the degree and number of responsibilities in comparison to say a driver, anyone working within the organization would be encouraged to offer input in the strategic vision while carrying out the tactical duties motivated not just by a paycheck, but by a sense of pride as well.  A key component to this enterprise will be attracting someone with experience in the waste management industry.

Once we moved to the personal area of life the exchange intensified as we explored thoughts and feelings, rhythms and patterns.  I explained to Di that anyone with whom I partner, whether in business or intimately, it is imperative that all parties are practicing responsibility, meaning that whenever one blames, complains, judges or makes excuses, it is a teachable moment.  When we do these things we’re being irresponsible, giving our power away to the circumstances of our lives that we attract to us, through us and  for us.  Fortunately, she and I have developed sufficient rapport in a very short period of time allowing us to propel forward, thus far anyway.  Trust, like respect, must be earned and mutually afforded to one another.  It seems some of what we discussed as it pertains to a sexual attraction remains unresolved, and until we achieve an understanding in this area it will impede business development, moreover, spiritual insight and expansion.

The day only picked up pace from here rushing off to do a quick landscape estimate in the Elmwood Village whilst fielding calls from my father regarding proof that school taxes were paid to appease the bank’s attorneys, and finally over to meet another friend to address an upset.  She feels like I’m avoiding her and even repelled by her.  I explained that it is a “story” or “pattern” for her to have this occurring in her life, but it was a bit challenging to chase down since the story, in this instance, involves me.  I let her know that I keep in touch with a very large circle of people whom I consider “friends” both off and online.  And I care for them all, some with greater affection than others, positively correlated with the length of time in friendship.  After some really open sharing, tears welling up in her eyes, we arrived at an understanding before heading over to another friend’s home for dinner and an evening with Eckhart Tolle Q & A.

Still another couple of friends reached out to me today in a state of helplessness seeking comfort, if not understanding.  I’m wondering if being on this purification program isn’t causing a disturbance in the Force as it were.  One fella, a former co-worker from one season in landscaping many years ago, reached out to cybervent for a spell about his evil wife and how he is looking for a new place to live.  I told him that I could relate to his circumstances feeling completely repelled by a mate, and that as much as he presently holds disdain for her, so does he hold compassion, although he cannot see it in such a polarized frame of mind.  And so in blaming, complaining, judging and making excuses he surrenders his power as a creator to fear.  I left it at “choose it bro.”  Choose to remain in the marriage or choose to leave it.  Just choose it.

The other friend I ended up playing phone tag with as she’d sent me a text earlier in the day noting that she deactivated her Facebook account and would explain later.  Without knowing why I’m left making up a story that her husband hacked her account and discovered our correspondence, some of which included flirting.  I recall deactivating my account once when my ex-wife hacked my account only to discover similar correspondence with women.  Talk about a helpless feeling, the shame and guilt were overwhelming, and so when married couples share their woes with me I can totally relate.  Helplessness is the most pervasive addiction of humanity, and drives so much of our neurotic behaviors.  We simply can’t bear feeling out of control, and our anger grows until it consumes our lives, unless we begin letting go and changing how we respond in the moment.  To give thanks for all of it, the good, bad and indifferent restores our power.

It would be great if more folks could just laugh at themselves, instead of taking this world of form so damn serious, myself included.  When we put others above us, or below us, it is because we lack self esteem.  Each of us are born to some degree feeling as though we are inherently flawed, something is wrong with us, and life events support this conditioning perpetuating the cycle as we procreate.  To evolve the cycle we must understand why things happen in our lives, how we are creating it, and begin to see both sides of every phenomenon, the good side of a bad thing and the bad side of a good thing.  Non-attachment to an outcome is impossible without balanced perception, and to the extent we’re attached to outcomes will determine the size of our self-imposed prison cell.  The Universe seeks expansion of itself through itself, you’re either living or you’re dying.

In common wealth,

SjK

 

 

Advertisements