It’s an unseasonably mild autumn afternoon with temps rising into the 70’s following a late night of celebration with family and friends.  I stayed up way past my bedtime despite fending off a cold, losing my voice in several moments, especially as I attempted to read aloud all the wonderful birthday cards along with unanticipated gifts.  My brother was a most excellent host and many memories were created singing along to the Beatles, Crosby Stills & Nash, Rush and many more.  Although it rained off and on throughout the evening we managed to get a roaring fire going as folks gathered around to share stories and hearty laughter.  I am reminded how amazing a family I’ve been born unto, truly a blessing.

I just became aware that I’ve nearly reached the maximum payout for unemployment benefits as I’d mistakenly planned on receiving benefits until expiration at the end of the calendar year.  Before logging off from my certifying my weekly claim something instructed me to check my payment status and sure enough, a remaining balance just over one week’s benefit.  I now find myself thrust into a bit of a desperation mode with no reliable income source as the landscape season is winding down.  I’m too tired to panic at the moment, or perhaps I’ve already achieved utter surrender in the wake of so much upheaval in my life since the inception of the year.  In my mind I know that there’s just as many pros as there are cons with this imminent change, and the loss of benefits is surely balanced by a gain in some other form.

I had already listed my truck on Craigslist just to put out some feelers for the market as I’ve considered relocation for the winter months to an undetermined destination.  I did get a few hits and one offer for much less than list price.  I am of course now a motivated seller, just as I had been with the diamond engagement ring and the house, resulting in lesser than hoped for cash outs.  I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do now and honestly, I’m indifferent as I ponder the potential paths laid out before me.  Living on the edge has been a theme in this lifetime for sure.  I realize I have an opportunity to re-invent myself and go in a new direction with the gift of this life.  I may be broke, but I am so rich in spirit.

In common wealth,

SjK

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