It’s a quiet Friday night after a productive day beginning with a wellness fair where I represented the Joe D Bands before a small group of folks from Community Services.  Following the fair I got my back waxed before meeting up with a dude who has been prospecting me to join his nutrition business.  I had another vivid dream last night with a degree of terror, although I cannot recall the details as I had for the concentration camp and high altitude perch.  When I awoke I checked to make sure the doors were locked, ironically reminding me of my ex-wife whom I would often tease for being on “high alert” every time there was the slightest sound of uncertain origin in or near the house.

The exhaustion and sadness continue as have been the case for nearly a week now.  I was chatting with a friend last night who put it very aptly, “You are now in the calm after the storm.”  I hadn’t thought of it that way and it resonated immediately once she expressed those words.  Indeed I find myself in a strange and unfamiliar space realizing that I’ve created the very downsizing and simplicity I’ve sought for months, if not years.  And in this space I’ve been reflecting on my recent past recognizing a void in the wake of job loss, divorce and vacating a home.  Residual feelings of grieving linger, hence a sadness that ebbs and flows throughout the day.

A message I’d once received in a meditation comes to mind, “Your greatest partnership is with yourself.”  Too often I’ve sought to partner with another, both intimately and professionally, not so much to create something greater than the sum of its parts, as to make up for something perceivably missing.  And so I am in a bit of an isolated existence wondering where to go from here.  The intensity of healing over the last several months has blessed me with an opportunity for a fresh start.  Although for the moment I feel as caterpillar in a cocoon, eager to emerge with a new set of wings.

In common wealth,

SjK

Life is like monkey bars you have to let go to move on. – Anonymous

 

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